I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
