a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
