Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
