There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
