Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
