KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
