i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
