I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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