Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
