but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
