I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
