I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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