She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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