So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
