don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
