my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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