Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
