I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
