Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
