I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
