what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please come you make the beer taste better
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize