that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
