I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
