there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
