be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
