it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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