I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
