His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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