i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
