I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
