I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
