What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
