I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
