You're completely useless in the revolution.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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