I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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