we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
