I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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