proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize