Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
