Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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