I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
