You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
