I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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