id be glad to
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
