I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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