he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
