I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
