I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize