So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
