i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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