Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
