Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize