i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
