New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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