btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
