Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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