There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh god it's open bar.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
