the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
