Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's the barista slut.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
