My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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