You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
