haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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