May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
