I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
