some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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