gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
are you so shy because you have an std?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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