4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
