Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
