Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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