the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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