PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize