no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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