i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
