as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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