Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
