Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
